Monday, August 4, 2014

When a Parent Suffers From An Illness!

My Mom is dying from lung cancer. And her wish was to live out her remaining days with her family. So she's been at home with me and my son. It's been a harrowing expereince, because dying is ugly. There are times I want her stay forever, but then at othertimes, listening to her struggle I wish the end would come quickly saving her from her struggles with breathing and the natural outcomes from her illness.

Up until a few days ago I was incomplete denial that her end was near. I planted a garden for her. I was convinced that the liliacs that disappointed her this year because they failed to bloom like they should have, would be all in it's glory next year. And she would be here to see it!

I was convinced she would make it to her 90th birthday, and she did therefore she's be here for mine in October. And then of course she would have to be here for Christmas, because, what's a Christmas without her. 

A few days ago, the reality struck, like a severe slap in the face, when filled with too much fluid her body was breaking down and she almost died. Thankfully, this time, the Palliative team and the VON nurses swiftly brought her back. But it didn't change the reality, and the family and palliative rallied to express their opinion that the end was near.

Prepare they said. Prepare. 

What does that mean? Oh yes, the will, the Power of Attorney, the Furneral home, the basic obligations when one dies. But how do we prepare emotionally for their end. The thought of losing her was the unthinkable. I couldn't, I wouldn't, it's just not possible to accept this! I was fearful How could I live without her!

After the episode, I decided to spend the entire next day with her. I wanted her all for myself. If the end was near, I was going to make our day together as special as possible! We talked and we kissed and we snuggled and told stories. And we laughed. She knew and I knew that this was a special day. It was closure for the both of us, just in case, just in case we never had a chance to say goodbye because of unforseen circumstances.

 It was the best day of my life.

Our moms are special people. And although we rejected their interferences all through out our lives, deep down, we knew it came from a special place. There is no bond like a mom and daughter. Moms are always there. They are truly the ones that have your back! 

And now I have hers! The cycle of life can be beautiful if you embrace it for what it is. The intamacy we share now is no different then the intamacy we shared when she was caring for me as a baby. 

Remember that book by Robert Munsch


Oh how I cried when I used to read this to my son! But in reality this book was meant for adults. Really!!! It was a book about dying and the love of a parent and a child!


I love my mom so very much but abhore the suffering. It is then when I realize I need to let her go. And I pray to God now to take her because I know she's ready. We've had that conversation because it's an important one. "if you can take it anymore mom, it's ok, we'll be OK". It's so important that they know that because they will always be moms right! Right to the bitter end. Instead of thinking about themselves, they are still thinking all about you!!


My best friend!




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